“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” Anthony Robbins

 

What does effective Communication mean to you?

I don't know about you but there have been times in my relationships when what I am saying (or what I THINK I am saying) isn't being understood by my partner! I'll say one thing and he will think I meant something totally unrelated! It can be frustrating sometimes!

When commuicate we do so on many levels.

There is verbal communication which only makes up 7% of the total amount in the communication pie. I was surprised when I learnt this, as being an extravert a tend to talk alot!

Other forms of communication include audio or hearing, tonality in our voice and of course the old favourite body lanugage or physiology.

We've all walked into a room where an argument has just taken place and there is no verbal communication taking place but you are positive that something has just happened, you can actually "feel" the tension in the room, hence the saying "You could have cut the air with a knife!" which is often heard.

When we communicate there is alot more going on than mere words. Listening, as we have discussed, is also going on, or at least you would hope it is! (Although I'd questions that if there are any kind of sport on the T.V.!) The expression on the person face, the tone of their voice the way they are sitting or standing as you can see there are many ways we communicate.

What determines our style of Effective Communication?

When we hear a statement or have questions directed at us, we filter the meaning of the words and message according to our values, or what is important to us. This is why clear effective communication works wonders. Say what you mean and mean what you say, with no room for mixed messages or assumptions.

Sometimes when we communicate with someone else we assume the other person knows we are on the same track, that they are privy to our thoughts or our meanings that we are trying to convey. This is not always the case and I am sure you can think of an instance where you have been either the giver or receiver of mixed communication.

When communicating it works wonders if you are concise, clear in your meaning with no room for confusion or ambiguity. This can be applied to all areas of your life when communicating with others, with your children, your girlfriends, work colleagues or former partner.

This is especially effective when you are negotiating and when you are separating and divorcing there are a tremedous amounts of time spent negotiating. Negotiating property and pesonal effects, visitation rights, appointments, weekend visits, rosters and no doubt you will have your own list that adds to this.

Remember that saying when you assume the other person knows what you are saying or knows what you mean then you make an ass-out of-u-and-me.

Alan Alda sums this up beautifully,

“Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in.”